1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
