my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
