so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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