Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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