Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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