Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
being pregnant is like rehab
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize