She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
it glows. i had to have it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's never too late to be topless.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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