Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize