i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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