her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
it was like eating out sand paper
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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