This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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