he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
