I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
