What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
