Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize