Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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