Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
