Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
