Banned from zoo.
Again?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
