Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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