I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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