They should really pass out barf bags in church
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We have started to decorate penises.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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