Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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