Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
