Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
