I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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