I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
