So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
we made out on top of his cat.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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