I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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