I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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