...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
