Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
