i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
