We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
