I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
id be glad to
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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