My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
