i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Farmville is her only friend.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
