she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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