is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
