Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
