i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize