My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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