Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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