Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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