I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she peed on how many people?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
