i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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