She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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