Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
