I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
