Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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