i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
