smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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