Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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