Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
