Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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