We're facebook friends in real life
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
