I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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