She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize