my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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