Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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