he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
what day is it and did you see me today?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
