Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
BRING THE BAGELS
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
