now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
