A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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