I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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