with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
