You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm having to shit out rocks
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
