I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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