Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
