I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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