My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
