she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
