okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
