I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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